My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
