I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
