Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
