So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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