Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
