I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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