So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
