I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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