Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
