can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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