I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Operation Purity has been aborted
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
