Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
