Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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