Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
