Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
