How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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