my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
