Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
