Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish you could order shots online.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
