Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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