just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
