just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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