you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
