Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
