I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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