You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
