halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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