i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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