My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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