the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
