I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
