belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
