You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
