You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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