Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he thought i was a dude.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
