I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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