Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
