So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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