Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
