You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
