peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
are you so shy because you have an std?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
