It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
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either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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