god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
