Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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