I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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