If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
