did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
