his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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