Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Green mimosas i think yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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