Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's Friday. Sex?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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