Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
