He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
