my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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