remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
