We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
