If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
