So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
