Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is my gift to your gina
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
