i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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