I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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