I don't usually arrange sex via text message
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
