And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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