And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
