I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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